The Nag

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You cannot escape my inescapable blog... mwahaha

Posted by Nathan Greaves 9 months ago

• In case you’re like ryan, who didn’t realise that these blog posts were all copied off weeworld, then they were.

  Blog post No. 1 – Nathan Greaves: This is your life (Admittedly one of my worst blog posts, but then, it was my first ever!)

  So, this is my blog, where i’ll do crazy things like talk to myself and the general public. I really like my pink scarf. Ok, OK, call me camp if you really want, but i’ll just smile at you in a completely camp way and tell you i’m not camp, which will really confuse you, and the you’ll probably just walk off and cry and then a big pineapple will fall out of the sky and eat you. But seriously though, it is a groovy scarf. Anyways, how do you do a camp smile?

  Blog Post No. 2 – harumph… (Another not perticularly good one)

  I think its time for a general rant at society…

  But first, a quote…

  “Everyone thinks forgiveness is a great idea; until they have someone to forgive!”

  Anyway – a rant

  At school these days, they’re telling us were not allowed to bring so called ‘unhealthy’ food into school. I mean, whats with that? OK, fine, if they want to only sell healthy stuff at the canteens, that’s fine by me, it’s their canteen, but surely they can’t moniter what we bring in to school.

  Anyway that’ll do for ranting… for now!

  Blog post No. 3 – Amazing Voice control (Quite funny)

  I’ve recently got this new the voice thingy for if which listens to what I say and then tied into the computer. This is quite cool but is quite annoying some done as well since the offer mystics was a I’m not in another correcting myth to us to say you how road it appears that even though it’s not rubbish it just needs a little bit of tender loving care. I’ve now got completely no idea what to say but I’m still talking for the lack of it. I meant is a heck. And retained haircut and at depths but Kenneth que a a a a a a a a a a way trade case raped were equipped to do much cruising isn’t an alluring when Atlanta attack apart are laid. who’d I’m laughing so much I’m going to cry. It really is quite hilarious especially when it makes a lot of mistakes by In the start on a vast amount So always steak and make me laugh her injured pay if In an end and it yeah associate and an end And cometh in a yeah so astute and I were quite a lot of fun I were yeah hilarious she’s on toast makes a very very good sandwiches, the your thumb like a forerunner unassuming looked and owned by him anyway looking at this advert next to me it makes me think news teeth where we stopped talking now

  Blog Post No. 4 – Now I know why they call him ‘super’ mario

  After recently purchasing super mario galaxy for my Wii, (well, after my brother purchased Super Mario Galaxy for his Wii, but lets not get too fussy) it struck me how amazing Mario is. I mean, do you know anyone who can jump about 4 times higher than their hight, and then, if necessary, put all their strenght into slamming as hard as they can on their backside just to get up instantaniously as if nothing happened. Do you know anyone who can clime up two opposite wall faces by sliding and jumping up the walls? Do you know anyone who can fall into lava or well-below-zero water and only lose a fraction of health. Do you know anyone who has an archemnemy over 6 times bigger than him, and breaths fire and has spikes over his back. Do you know anyone who can fight that archenemy and his immensly scary nightmarish son and constanly win with ease. Do you know anyone who can run for as long as necessary without tiring, just to save some girl in an ugly pink dress (You’d think she’d have learnt not to get into trouble by now).

  Not bad for an italien plummer with very little fashion sense… (not that I can talk)

  Blog post No. 5 – God sat on me

  I go to church regularly, and go to drench (the local youth church meeting) evry week. Occasionally I have a ‘god experiance’, where I really feel God and know he’s there and loves me. I’ve always found it hard to describe what it feels like. But the other day when I had a God experiance at drench, it clicked. I now have a way of describing it.

  So here it is…

  God is sitting on me!

  Yup, that’s what it feels like. God sitting on you. But it’s a good thing, not a arrrgh get off me, you’re quite heavy sort of thing. It’s great. I like god sitting on me :)

  Blog Post No. 6 – Elgar – I just can’t see what all the fuss is about…

  The other day, my parents took me to a classical music perfomance. Yes, i know what you’re thinking (Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz). That’s what first came to mind when i was told. But, you know, for the first half of the performance, I actually quite enjoyed myself. There were 2 pieces of music, both about 20 mins long. It wasn’t all that bad. The first was a piece by someone-or-other, and wasn’t too bad. This, though was because of a certain person on the back row playing the big drum thingy. He was absolutley hilarious. He was a quite aged person, with very little grey hair. Poor guy, though, he only had a small part in the performance. But what a guy. When he wasn’t playing, he would just sit there lucking glum, which in itself was quite funny. When he was just playing softly, he would wiggle his head around and smile a bit. It was when he was playing the big loud bits that he really came alive though. He would have this massive grin on his face, and would strike those drums like you would strike an evil archenemy with a big whip. He would bounce around with such glee when playing you thought he might fall off his stool. When he’d finished his bit he would lean forward so far he would almost knock the music stand into the oboeist in front of him.

  After the intervel, though was when it started to lag. They played Elgar’s first piece. It lasted about an hour. Even the drummer had stopped being entertaining. Why Elgar? Why? Couldn’t you have made it a bit shorter? That reminds me another thing about classical music – you think it’s just about to finish, and then whoosh, it comes back again.

  Also, it struck me that apart from one or two exceptions, everyone there had graying, white or no hair at all.

  I’ve got to admit though, classical music certainly has stood the test of time. It’s been abot since roughly the ninth century.

  Will people in 1000 years be listenign to Diddy P or Sloop doggy doggy or whatever it is they’re all called this week? I very much doubt it.

  Blog Post No. 7 – The trouble with advent calenders (This is the one i referred to in blog post no. 9…) (Sam can testify to the events in this blog entry)

  I have been struggling the past 10 days with my advent calender. First you have to find the right flippin number, which takes forever in my dimly lit room. Then, it takes literally about 5 minutes to get one of those stupid little doors open to get the chocolate. But today it really got to me. After spending what seems an age trying to get the little number 11 open, i had to resort to using a pen to prise it open. I even struggled with that. And for what? A puny penny-sized piece of chocolate. But it’s tradition and tradition tells me I must spend 5 minutes of my life every day wrestling for chocolate. You see that’s why i usually make my own advent calenders. I have a fibre optic christmas tree, so i buy some celebrations or something (this time it was terry’s chocolate orange segsations :) mmm…) and string them up on the tree with little numbers. Saves all the stress of the usual advent calender. But this year, we have a german student staying with us, and his family sent him advent calenders for us all. “Brill!”, was my initial reaction, until i actually tried to get some chocolate out of the darn thing. So i had two advent calenders. Something did strike me though, about why manufacturers make those things so hard to open. You see, in Britain, there are a LOT of obese kids, who love chocolate. So by making the doors so hard to open, the fat kids have to get off there but and spend an hour trying to get their chubby little fingers round the flap. It may not be much, but the eercise will do them good, however small the benefit. But, there’s a better thing the government can do. Strap a fridge on top of the buses running through town, each with a big chocolate cake in it. The scent of that sweet succulent cake should send them into a frenzy. They’ll chase that bus forever and a day. And you can rate busses by the number of fatties running behind it. Would make a great tame-filler. You see, why doesn’t the government think of these things. They should make me prime minister. “Vote Nathan Greaves for prime minister and lose that flab”

  Blog entry No. 8 – Why do only old people find me attractive?

  Whenever we go somewhere, with people above the age of 40, whoever i talk to, says something like “oooh, aren’t you pretty” or “what a handsome young man you are.” But, I mean, why does no-one of my age find me attractive. I mean, how depressing is that! Old people find me attractive!

  I bet when i click Post, this is gonna be really long… Sorry floks… I mean folks…

  Posted by Nathan Greaves 9 months ago

• we didnt ask for a life story nat… :P

  Posted by smilekle 9 months ago

• oh my goodness gracious me! how much can u write in one go! we’re supposed to have a climate changey discussion arn’t we? this isn’t a blog! :)

  Posted by Becky Em 9 months ago

• Like I said, Becky the ones above apart from the very top one about fat people are from weeworld, I didn’t write them in one go.

  Anyway

  Blog Post No. 10. – The Latest form of the H5N1 Bird Flu Virus – The ‘Mobility Scooter’

  A headline on the bbc “Women struck by Mobility Scooter”, made me expect to read something along the lines of this when I clicked the link on their website.

  Is this a new life threatening disease? Should we be scared? Reports suggest that the said Mobility Scooter is still at large in the area of Teweksbury. All elderly people have been shepherded off the street and into their homes, for fear of an epidemic. A spokesperson of the greater teweksbury council said this morning:
  “We, at the council are deeply shocked that the deadly new strain of the H5N1 virus has struck this area. We beleive it originated in the region of the store ‘Mobility Scooters 4 U” and will be investigating the area this afternoon. We believe that Elderly people are targeted by this deadly disease because of their lack of speed and sight, so the Mobility Scooter virus can more easily attack.”
  A scientist from the Cambridge research institute told reporters
  “I fear that the the deadly virus may mutate into something for worse, like a car, or bus, that will be more effective against younger adults. The implications of this would be huge, and could cause unimaginable damage to human lives and buildings. We are currently researching ways to combat this virus. Early experimantation show explosives to be a useful combatant to the mobility scooters, but the government are yet to check, double check, and triple this theory, before writing a report, losing the report, writing it again, putting it on a CD, sending it by post, losing the disc in the post, along with a couple of other CD’s containing important details like National Prison records and driving license records, then being written again, and then published. So we shouldn’t expect a cure for another 30 years or so.

  Unfortunatly, the report was actually only about some old woman being hit by a mobility scooter after doing her shopping.

  Posted by Nathan Greaves 9 months ago

• Blog Post No. 10 – Jeans

  This is something I very randomly wrote in business studies after getting very bored doing a project about jeans…

  Uptown Girl. She’s been living in an uptown world. The previous sentence is part of how I will decide upon my price for my jeans. You see, if you take the first letter from each word in the sentence, assign that letter a number between 1 and 200,000,000, then times every other number by 11.5, and devide the others by 1620, Then add up the numbers, and use Pythagoras’ theory on the resulting number, then Turn it into a Diophantine equation to get the number 0 < x < y < 8000000, then use the Baez equilibrium equation. The resulting number, when input into a computer will enable you to travel forward in time to find out how much the jeans cost.

  Posted by Nathan Greaves 9 months ago

• Wonderful stuff Nathan, still making me chuckle.

  Posted by curlymop2 9 months ago

• wow you must be good at math’s i am still struggling to understand a word you said in that last one! :o)

  Posted by LIttleMystyConfuzzled 9 months ago

• Have migrated my blog to http://ipreach-online.blogspot.com
  Also, have set up ipreach website at http://ipreach-online.webs.com
  You can findo out more about the whole ipreach thing either on bibleo or on the ipreach website

  Posted by Nathan Greaves 5 months ago

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